There are moments in this life, when the more you grope in the darkness for answers, the more you find further and more troubling questions. Who are you, what are you, and what are you doing here? You’re too drunk, too sad, too you, too everything to do anything. You need advice — You need angels from heaven to deliver you a public service announcement, to set you free. You need PIZZA.

Are you sad? Are you too plastered? Is there bad news of that ilk?
Seek a piece of flatbread lathered in coagulated milk
When life is void of meaning, seeking truths you’ve no idea of
You need to seek no further than the oven: fuckin pizza
We do not have god’s wisdom, nor the thoughtless peace of animals
We do have cheesy bread pies in isosceles trialaterals
In the anguished isolation of your thoughts, when weak and lost
Find your guardian triangle covered in toppings, cheese and sauce
Your friends misunderstand you, you can’t trust wikipedia
You don’t need social media — the answer’s in the pizza
We who hate but need love — we who break and feel stuff —
Don’t you think we’ve grieved enough? — we need to eat some pizza

VEGGIE PIZZA: EAT CLEAN
Need diet advice? Talk to this Veggie Pizza — Eat Clean.

Eat clean — this aint your average papa john’s, diogiorno’s
The food you mash in your holes affects the form of your soul
A body is a broad sea of all its parts in harmony
All the pieces come together like a peaceful pizza party b
Don't bring a pie that you don't want to eat Don't eat shit if you don’t wanna be it
Go on a diet if you don’t wanna die yet, Get salad not fries and eat more peas and peanuts
Those sausage chunks are really cut from from greasy hunks of piggy butt
So leave it at the pizza hut You really shouldn’t eat that stuff

SUSHI PIZZA: DON’T DOUCHE
Troubled by a persistent fishy odor from your vagina? Talk to Sushi Pizza — Don’t Douche.

You’ve heard of deep dish pizza, here’s Don’t Douche pizza
With juicy tuna fish up in rice and seaweed leaf tucked
It speaks for your vagina: it asks us why, when we fuck,
We blast unnatural chemicals inside of it to clean it up
See cause that upsets its natural state of selfmade-cleaning balance
Because of which it ends up smelling like a seaweed salad
It says, let’s cultivate the natural culture of the coochie
Says, I won’t smell like sushi, if you don’t cruelly douche me

REFRAIN
I need me some advice I need to see a PSA
I need a sign to spell it out for me like P I Z Z A
I ain't OK I'm high AF I need advice ASAP
I say I need advice and peace I need a slice a pizza piece 
Pizza slice Gee its nice Seeking Peace in Free Advice
Big and cheesy Nice and easy Set me free and see the light
Aint need no little Caesars need a sign I need to see words
Need to free my mind from fears, seeking free advice in pizzas

GAY PRIDE PIZZA: LOVE IS LOVE
Looking for a way to show solidarity with the universal right to to love freely? Meet Gay Pride Pizza, and remember -- love is love.

A pizza is a pizza, no matter what you top it with
And love is love, no matter how you make it or whom youve got it with
Love is love, all topping combinations are permitted
The most important thing is that you’ve got it and you give it
Pizza guy and pizza guy, pizza girl and pizza girl,
Pizza girl and pizza guy, piece of pie, a peaceful world
Pink triangle like a little pink pizza slice
Rainbow pizza shining with its bright embracing shapes of light

S&M PIZZA: CONSENT IS SEXY
Sexual freedom is essential — but so is consent. Meet S&M pizza, who reminds you that Consent is Sexy.

Before you put your mushroom tip into their pitless olive
Be sure that your intention is consistent with their prerogative 
If they say thanks but hell no, be a mindful fellow
And find another meadow for your wild portobello 

REFRAIN

ZOMBIE PIZZA: DON’T EAT PEOPLE
Too many drugs in the wrong combination can be dangerous. Talk to Zombie Pizza, and remember — Don’t eat people.

Sometimes intoxication makes you hateful, not peaceful
You end up being a zombie, chomping people with your pizza hole
Brain food — dang dude — the mirror’s changed, that aint you
Your best friends are strange too, is this the end you came to?
Ain’t it true — Sometimes a slice comes with too many toppings
You took lots of the right thing and crossed it with the wrong things
Now you’re at karaoke and you don’t know what song to sing
And what was okie dokie grows catastrophic and haunting

RAVER PIZZA: DRINK MORE WATER
Pizza party! pizza got a whole lotta herb on it
Pizza party! pizza got a whole lotta shrooms on it
Pizza party! pizza got a whole lotta party in it
That’s a lotta pizza better drink a lot of water with it

META PIZZA: LIVE YOUR TRUTH
Have you ever met a pizza? Meet your meta pizza
Meatless, and immaterial, a cheesy piece of peace and love
A ceaseless essence seen above transcending change and sameness
And containing in itself all topping combos and arrangements
Yet no two human beings conform exactly in their roles
For all have different topping combos in the cheese melt of their souls
So ere your slice is sliced anew by times incessant tooth
May your toppings shine all fresh and fine and may you live your truth

LAST CALL PIZZA: PEPPERONI
It’s the end of the night, a point reached by all nights
Last dance, last joint, last call, last slice
Go out into the open and roam free and clear
You don’t have to go home but you can’t eat it here
One last piece of advice: one last cheesy piece
Enjoy your slice with dear friends, in happiness and peace